Extreme

God is in control, and the Holy Spirit effects transformation and growth in a person as he pleases. He has amazed all of us by working in the life of my son.

My son is a blessing to us. He put his trust in Jesus as a child. He has been reasonably sensible, disciplined and responsible all his life. There has been nothing about him that a parent would need to worry about. Everything about him would lead one to think that he should be able to successfully navigate through life with all its ups and downs, and be quite content. However, the Spirit has chosen to interrupt, fill, and move him in a wondrous way.

His story has the marks of those who have had a similar experience: tears and ecstasy, guilt and relief, sorrow and joy, calmness and spasm, direct confirmation from God by way of word and vision, prayer and hands of people around, and an unawareness of passing time. He shares with us that the result of all this is an awakened, deep desire to pray, and to glorify God with his life. He feels he was just cruising before, but now he is on fire for God. Obedience for the longest time was just a veneer, but has become a passion. The present period is a time of waiting upon the Lord and re-orienting his life towards God’s desires for him. He wants to make a difference in the life of his loved ones, and I believe he will as the Spirit leads him onward in his journey.

Now, I believe God has revealed all that is needed in order for any one of us to heed and do his will. Nevertheless, he is sovereign to speak to any one of us as he sees fit. The outworking of the Spirit’s power in our lives is by way of the spiritual gifts. Every disciple is bestowed one or more gifts. No disciple has all the gifts. Some have the signs and wonders gifts, while others do not. Regardless, we live and serve together. I will live and serve alongside my son, and rejoice in his gifts as he does mine.

This is just the beginning. I can’t wait to see the miracles God will do in and through my son. Lord, thank-you for the extreme lengths to which you go to draw each one of us to yourself. Keep surprising me!

Tears

...of remorse, sorrow, contrition, repentance
bring
mercy, relief, kindness
and
forgiveness.

We journey together again. Thanks be to God.

Crow

I will eat it today. I will tell the other person that I was wrong, that I reacted badly and that my outburst was bitter and hurtful. I regret my attitude and behaviour, and I am sorry.

This will happen over lunch in just a couple of hours from now. The adrenalin is flowing. I am anxious because I don't know how the other person will take this, but since we are meeting together, I am hopeful. God grant me grace to proceed with pure motives because I am still ambivalent about the issues pertaining to the conflict. We can talk about those things in the future, but today, let me be clear and repentant about the wrong I have done. I will own my sin in the matter, mostly in how I lashed out and dredged up history - surprising even myself with the evidence of bitterness in my soul over things of which I have not yet let go. I will repent of this wrong and I will let go.

Lord, help. May the other person accept and forgive me.

Internship

OK, it's confirmed. They are going in May and June to Hong Kong, again. Two summers in a row seems very extravagant given that they are students and we are a family of ordinary means. However, my son is very excited and vocal about it, and I am excited for him. I'm sure my daughter is excited, too, but in a quieter way. Their trip, however, is not primarily a vacation. It is an investment in a growth opportunity. They will be doing an internship from the get-go that will require their full attention and involvement.

I'm very grateful to God for giving my kids this chance to be a meaningful part of the planning and execution of global-scale faith-centred events. Some of the projects lined up are: Global Day of Prayer (drawing a projected 40,000 people), Call2All conference, and a series of evangelistic events with extreme sports and youth concerts. I thank God for Lois, the organizer of these events, who will be personally taking my kids under her wing. I thank God for my aunt and uncle, who will provide their accomodation; my sister-in-law and her husband, who will lovingly look out for them; and other loved ones who will also look out for them. So much provided... I don't take any of this for granted, and I pray that my children will see God's hand at work in their lives by way of people who care and love so graciously.

There is no doubt that my kids will learn tons of useful stuff. It will be an experience that brings lasting positive impact. They will learn about sustained hard work and working toward a clear, real-time goal. They will pick up important life skills and see how things are done in a big way. They will also hone their people skills and perhaps get an opportunity to minister to others. Most of all, they will see first hand how the Spirit is alive and active today. Actually, it's a bit overwhelming as I think about it! I will be praying for them.

So, kids (although you are not really kids anymore!): Have fun! Depend on God! Pray! Work hard! Be gracious to everyone, always! Expect God to amaze you! He always will.

Growing

OK! The first Growing Leaders training session has come and gone on Saturday. Well, gone meaning that it's in the past, but hopefully not gone from our hearts and minds. Some of my thoughts about it:

Gratitude - to my heavenly Father. It felt, at least to me, that the Spirit was there, guiding, leading and speaking to us. And what a wonderful, fantastic group! For a minister of the gospel, a genuine God-ward response from the ones who receive the ministry is the most heart-warming of all things. I think I am going to love the ten months of this program. By the way, it didn't feel like a program. It felt more like a mini-retreat with all the best-loved elements of a time set aside for God: worship, prayer, study, meditation, fellowship, food, etc.

Anticipation - Of a work that God is doing with us. I think that the material is very good. It is especially appropriate that our first few sessions focus on the character and call of a leader. It looks like God is moving this group of individuals towards deepened maturity in Christ. I can hardly contain my excitement at the prospect of God building his kingdom through those who are available to him. This is a bunch through whom God can change the world! Really!

Community - finally knowing what life together in Christ is all about. I do not remember a time when a group of forty brothers and sisters got together monthly for a common experience. Even less has such learning been set into a monthly mentoring relationship - each participant in twos each month. This program is for our heads and for our hearts. If nothing else happens, I believe that we will come out of this with a heightened sense of community. We will know one another a little better, we will all have a shared understanding of leadership which informs our interaction, and we will have deepened friendships in Christ.

That's just a little of the exhilaration I feel. I'll talk about the challenging content later.

Inconstancy

For all the talk about the world being a global village, how people are just a phone call away, the ease of online networking, and our ability to travel anywhere and everywhere, the physical distance between friends and loved ones still makes a difference in our ability to depend on one another. It helps me to know that someone is right there with me in an event or a meeting that we have planned or anticipated together.

But people move away. Changes in employment, housing needs, education, health - whatever - rearranges the available hands of reassurance on my shoulder every so often. Situations shift. Expectations, work to be done, people to see - all of these are not the same today as yesterday. The truth has come upon me forcefully once again: the only constant is change.

So you are moving away. I appreciate you for taking the time to reassure me that this current change is an opportunity for growth. It is a chance to see God at work through other people and means. Things are happening and there will be progress under his good hand. Even so, it is still hard for me to deal with this. As the emotions well up and blur my vision for a while, I realize, ever so haltingly, that all I can do is accept your reasoning. I take pause and remind myself that the foundation upon which the adventure of life unfolds is a Person who does not move away.

It is only because of this that I can let you go.

Indeterminism

Things are a bit out of control... and I'm OK with it! Maybe it's because I'm older and have become used to the history of surprises in my life. Or maybe I'm resigned to the fact that my life projects always shape up in unexpected (and sometimes, unwanted) ways. But actually, recent developments are showing me that the one in charge is God himself. And that takes a whole load off!

Lately, I've been bothered by the "not enough" factor of who I am, or more accurately, what I do. If only I taught better, visited more, listened more carefully, shepherded more effectively, etc. All very self-centred and unrealistic. But really, the only thing I need to be is FAT (Faithful, Available, Teachable). This was one of the very first lessons I was taught by the guy who discipled me in first-year university. It's taken decades for the lesson to sink in.

Right now, I am part of an amazing new growth initiative in my worshipping community. I don't think I've so looked forward to the near future with my fellow sojourners in Christ as I do today. The thing is, although I'm the "leader" of the original "ideas and prayer" group, the vision and action that is being implemented has grown way past what we could engineer. The input and suggestions are creating something much better and more beautiful than I ever dreamed of. I tell you, the support and enthusiasm for where God is leading us just fills me with a sense of euphoria and anticipation. People who never talk to me are telling me they want to be part of this. It is something bigger than me or us. So, who is in control? Should I be surprised that God answers prayer?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11). God is in control. Let me be FAT.

Loiter

Ideas. Opinions. As many as there are friends and co-workers. So much to think about, and I know I'm an expert at thinking. And thinking. And thinking. But, it is not enough just to keep on thinking; not enough to only have ideas and opinions.

Everyone's waiting for something to happen. But we are at a wait-and-see impasse. Things need to move forward and upward. And we need to be in it together.

Backfire

Give advice only once, and do it in private. Give it twice, and you're a nag; or worse, an old fogey ethnic parent; or even worse, both. Aaargh!

Alligator

Today, our house will be a little quieter, and perhaps a bit neater! In a few days, only our "baby" will still be with us. In a very real way, my father role must be second to the heavenly Father in my children's lives, which is as it should always be. I will not be with them in person, but I hope they know I love them, and pray for them.

You know, at times like this, I realize what a blessing they are to me. I am really proud of them and look forward to what the Father does with them.

Deficiency

There's so much more to do... ...pray, care, visit, mentor, write, counsel, thank, study, hang-out, phone, share...

Will I ever be able to live up to my job?

Revive

A wonderful young man came over to our house for dinner a week ago. It has been the better part of a year since we've really talked. That evening, we were blessed by a beautifully pleasant conversation, made especially meaningful because he laid his heart on the line. He let us know how he appreciated us and how he, for his part, contributed to the absence we've experienced with each other. His sincere candor both impressed and humbled me, because I know the many other difficult and hurtful factors behind the time apart.

Friendship must be cherished, must be held on to tightly. You've shown me that friendship in Christ transcends. Thank-you for opening your heart to us, for being a friend who perseveres through life's ups and downs. Thank-you for seeing me through the lens of grace because we all know I need it. This is my joy: we have many days yet to journey together.

Repatriation

This summer my whole family will be visiting the Pearl of the Orient. It will be for just a couple of weeks. We will see loved ones and sights we've only heard about. It will be hot, colourful, exciting, busy, and FANTASTIC!

Providence

I am a proud parent - and completely amazed at the way God works.

My son has for the past year had his sights set on a university with the highest reputation for his desired field of study. His second choice was for another also very good university which has a Scholars Electives program for a small group of students with high entrance marks. This program means more academic work, but also comes with perks, and brings a certain amount of prestige. Some months ago, when he got notice that he did not make it into the Scholars Electives program, he thought he would go with his first choice. The problem, however, was that almost all his friends had decided to go to the school of his second choice. He struggled long and hard about this. At almost the stroke of midnight on the reply deadline date, he decided in favour of his friends. It was a done deal.

Today, he got a call from the university he chose. He is being offered a spot among the 50 students in the Scholars Electives program... Have you ever seen excitement bursting out of the body of a 17-year old? This means his determination and disciplined hours of study has paid off! This means that in spite of disappointments and settling for second choices along the way, he has made the right decisions! This means that his good-natured approach to life does have its moments of reward! Looking forward, it also means that he will have to take on the extra course hour each year as part of this program. It also means he is guaranteed a spot in the nicer student residence for all four years. (And I guess all this means it will cost his parents a little more financially!)

Like I said, I am amazed at the way God works! By the way, if you think that this post is nothing but a parent exercising bragging rights, you are quite correct!

Lord, thank-you for your many mercies and the way you work things out beyond our expectations. Please, keep my son grounded. Don't let him become proud. Be his help in the journey ahead, with all its ups and downs. Let him follow and love you more than anything else. May everything about him serve as a testimony to you. Glory to your name.

Deepening

This past weekend's retreat was simply wonderful on so many levels: perfect weather, lovely small town, comfortable accomodations, marvelous company (I love and feel loved by the brothers and sisters of my worshipping community), easy timetable, and a great speaker. The most meaningful thing for me was that the stated teaching of the retreat, "Deepening our walk with Jesus" has, indeed, helped me grow a little deeper.

The Spirit spoke through Nouhoum to convict me that a deepened walk with God comes through his word (God speaks to us) and prayer (we speak to God). As this relationship building happens two things get stronger - love for God and trust in God. However, God is not in the business of cheap love or cheap trust. These will be tested by temptation ("an invitation to sin..." - going for shallow things rather than depth in Christ) and affliction ("any condition that causes bodily suffering or mental distress" - enticement to trust in something other than Christ). The only way to deal with these is to go back to Jesus, namely, in-life response to the whole counsel of God (his word), and prayer.

True, true, true. I am overwhelmed by God's love for me.

Brink

You know that stifled terror that overpowers as you stand right at the railing just a short leap from where the Niagara River plunges over the precipice?

I am there.

Together

"The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me." - Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2003), 182.

It strikes me that hardly 24 hours go by without a conversation in which I speak and act defensively. When people talk to me, I don't listen so much as argue with them in my head, or ready my clever response. Goodness, even the way I'm talking right now is all about me.

Lord, let your grace flow. Help me to be present to others. Work in me, and allow me to love with the love of Christ. Grant me the grace to listen to - and hear - my brother and my sister.

Unease

It seems that I am always apologizing for something. You would think that at my stage in life, there might be some things I can do right. However, personal misadventure is the staple of my days. I find consolation in the ever-growing understanding that life and faith is a journey, not a destination. Things will never be easy. For the One who journeys with me, I am grateful.

As for my vocation, there is nothing quite so wonderful as the church. There is also nothing quite so horrible. Sometimes in the same day. The church is, after all, the people belonging to Christ - and I stress people, with all their foibles, whether they say they are part of a gathered group or not. It seems that there is an increasing number who are ashamed of and decline to identify with the gathered people. Nevertheless, they do not cease to be part of the body (cf. 1 Cor 12:14ff), but instead contribute to any observer's sense of the fractured and fragmented church. To be honest, I alternate between shame and pride over the church. Yet the church goes on and will ever go on, despite her dubious history and present struggles, because she is Christ's beloved bride. Something always reminds me of this when I get cynical about my calling.

So I move forward - ambivalent, doubtful yet certain, conflicted yet worshipful. As I said, I do not expect things to get any easier. So I pray for an ever closer walk with the One who journeys with me.

Convention

I was sent by my church as a delegate to the FEBCC (Fellowship) National Convention last Monday to Thursday. This is likely the 7th or 8th I've been to in the past 20 years. But this one was different.

A national movement that convenes only once a year usually finds itself endlessly receiving reports and voting on housekeeping business. I thought I was going to doze through more of the same this year. Instead I found myself caught up in times of heartfelt worship, stirring messages from God's word, entertaining reports, and exciting business sessions that were not trivial or boring, but actually inspired hope. Hope!

10 years ago, the Fellowship membership plateaued at 500 churches from across Canada. There have been no net losses or gains for a decade. 70% of these churches are themselves plateaued or in decline. The convention business that brings hope in face of these statistics was the overwhelming endorsement of sweeping changes to the administration of the Fellowship. Boards of each of the ministry arms of the Fellowship have been eliminated. There are now directors of these ministries with each one directly accountable to the Fellowship president, who in turn is accountable to national council which is accountable to the convention. Ministry can happen much faster now with the streamlined bureaucracy. Although ministry fruit depends upon the Holy Spirit, the new structure reflects the new heartbeat of the Fellowship. We want to see change. We want renewal. We want to see churches encouraged and resourced to grow. We are hoping and praying that in 10 years, the Fellowship will see 70% of its churches healthy and growing with new believers. This year's national convention was a first step of faith in that direction.

A further very exciting development. As a Fellowship, it was felt that ministry must be a priority even during a national convention. So this year, one day was dedicated to blessing the convention host city. On Wednesday, all delegates had the opportunity to participate in an afternoon of apartment painting, garbage collection, winter coat give-away, hot chocolate give-away, or prayer in one of two high-risk neighbourhoods of the city. That evening was an open worship service at the downtown convention centre dedicated to blessing the city. National Convention will never be the same as the Fellowship commits itself to doing ministry in addition to conducting business each year.

The grace of God must be at work if a conservative, old institution like the FEBCC can embrace this kind of change. I sure am glad I made it to convention this year. Hope they send me next year!

Territory

The fallout from Eden continues. None of us are unscathed. The world is imperfect. People also.

The head knows the reasons for the decisions made and the way things have happened, but the heart... well, can you hear the cries?

Although expected, can't say I'm going to welcome the fallout. It's become personal, and it's already started...