Unease

It seems that I am always apologizing for something. You would think that at my stage in life, there might be some things I can do right. However, personal misadventure is the staple of my days. I find consolation in the ever-growing understanding that life and faith is a journey, not a destination. Things will never be easy. For the One who journeys with me, I am grateful.

As for my vocation, there is nothing quite so wonderful as the church. There is also nothing quite so horrible. Sometimes in the same day. The church is, after all, the people belonging to Christ - and I stress people, with all their foibles, whether they say they are part of a gathered group or not. It seems that there is an increasing number who are ashamed of and decline to identify with the gathered people. Nevertheless, they do not cease to be part of the body (cf. 1 Cor 12:14ff), but instead contribute to any observer's sense of the fractured and fragmented church. To be honest, I alternate between shame and pride over the church. Yet the church goes on and will ever go on, despite her dubious history and present struggles, because she is Christ's beloved bride. Something always reminds me of this when I get cynical about my calling.

So I move forward - ambivalent, doubtful yet certain, conflicted yet worshipful. As I said, I do not expect things to get any easier. So I pray for an ever closer walk with the One who journeys with me.