It's so disconcerting to be told that I need to put more compassion into the things I do; that I need to care more for the people I work with; that I do everything "right" but not with love. Being caring and expressive is not me, at least not naturally. Yet for some reason, I like to think that I am caring and warm. God knows I've always tried to do what ought to be done. So I assume that I've cared, that I've done my part adequately. But people who know me, know better. They point out that I've barely scratched the surface of my responsibility to others. I've got the methods, and usually the courage, but I need a heart.
The truth leaves me at something of a loss. I'm stunned. It's hard to talk. I want to hide. Having tried so hard and actually covering a lot of ground now seems so empty. But those words which are so familiar to the degree of triteness now bear upon me full force: "...if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing", and all that I've laboured at likewise is nothing. I have not been Christlike. This is difficult - running, falling, getting up again.
My apologies.
To you whom I've supported but not really. You've been grieved by my hesitation, my holding back. Please know that you are a gifted individual whom I have, for insecurities of my own, inappropriately stifled. Please forgive me and this bump in the road I've created. Don't let me get you down. God bless you! Go for it!
And to you who sees things as they really are. I am sorry for not listening to your insightful correction. Thank-you for taking the risk to point out my failure. You amaze me for being true even though you know my stubborn pride will get in the way. You show me what love is all about.
.....
I want a heart!
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2 comments:
I'm sorry that someone made such a cutting comment to you. Somehow, I think it was probably said in anger, as a reaction from some sort of injury...less likely but still possible that it was said in deepest love from a true and close friend/brother. In any case, seems to me that you do have a heart. If you didn't, you wouldn't feel remorse or yearning. But the proof of the pudding lies in the promise. So I know you have a heart of flesh as soft and alive, as tender and passionate, as Christ's. It's been promised. And the other promise is that He is faithful to keep that which you have entrusted to Him, even all these acts of love which might not be recognized as such, to the last day. Please don't be too sad. I bet those around you who REALLY know you actually know that you do love, and that you love in as fervent and as practical a way as you can--through service and acts. Of course there are imperfections of and weaknesses in that love...but perhaps those are the routes in which Christ's grace is revealed, proving the sufficiency of His grace, the perfection of His power in weakness. He elevates your love based on human efforts to a higher realm through His grace and power. Isn't that amazing? He is amazing.
If you haven't heard yet today, let me tell you that you are treasured beyond your imagination.
Thank-you for your encouragement. My imperfections are very real. I know that I can't deal with them by trying harder or being more committed, etc., but only by falling completely on His grace.
You have a marvelously tender heart, too.
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